At least we're talking
by QuierdoMusic
Summary: "Family just slows you down"... Dean and Sam have a talk after the episode "The French Mistake"... Spoilers... fluff.


"Hey... at least we're talking." Sam says, sounding like that's the only thing that matters to him... like nothing else has happened. He should care that Castiel's a dick. He should curse Balthazar for using us as bait. I turn around a little, opening my mouth, considering my reaction.

"Okay Sam... spill..." I watch him. Sam looks startled at me. He really doesn't get what I was trying to figure out. "What's wrong with you dude? Why are you acting like that... you're giving me the creeps."

"How exactly do I act?" Sam asks with an amused smile on his lips.

"It's like that... like you don't care about anything else but... but..." I stop. What am I supposed to say?

"Us?" Sam interrupts me and suddenly he looks serious. I don't say anything, but nod, shrugging. "Dean... man... you're my brother. Of course I want to keep the peace between us."

"You're not just keeping the peace between us, Sam. You're... you're not you.. Sam... you aren't the kind of guy who directly says that you care about family... you are the one who tried to get rid of your family so many times." Sam ducks his head, biting his lip. I groan. I don't want to see him like that. "I'm sorry Sam... I shouldn't hold that against you."

"No... no... It's okay... I know that I made mistakes. So why can't you understand that I just want to make it up to you." Sam explains. "I mean... you do believe me that family is the most important thing for me?"

"Yeah... I believe you, but why are you saying it all the time? I mean... you wanted to go back to our world because we're brothers here... and now the only thing you say is "at least we're talking". Why?"

"Damn it... that was supposed to be a joke..." Sam blushes.

"Oh really? So you don't think that way?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Of course I do... Dean... I'm glad that we're back and I'm glad that we're brothers again... and I'm glad that we're talking." Sam confesses. "It's not like we both have always been best friends in the last couple years. And I'm just glad that we're okay-ish now." Sam doesn't say that we're okay and it tears at my inner core. For him... we're okay-ISH.

"Sam... we're okay... you know that?" I ask him. I grip his shoulder and push him down onto the couch, settling down beside him. "You don't have to make anything up to me. You know that... right Sammy?"

Sam smiles a weak smile at me. "I know that... but that doesn't change the fact that we had bad fights before I went to hell. Everything with Ruby... the Apocalypse... the..."

"Sammy. Stop that. I know that it isn't about that." I raise my voice. "You behave like that since you... since you remember hell... " I watch him. "Sam... talk to me."

"It's not hell." Suddenly he looks like he feels uncomfortable. He probably really does, playing with the sleeve of his jacket.

"Sam what is it? I really nee-" Suddenly a loud crash interrupts me. I turn around, looking over the back of the couch. Bobby stands in the entrance, looking at his broken window with his mouth wide open. He's wet from head to toe.

"Okay... outside all hell breaks loose and all you idjits do is breaking my window?" Bobby yells at us. I grit my teeth. God... bad timing old man. Sam has nearly told me what problems he has.

"Bobby... we didn't break that window." I tell him annoyed. "Please do me a favor and leave Sam and me alone for a little while."

"You want to send me out of _my_ living room, boy? Have you lost your mind?" Bobby frowns at us and he seems to realize that there is something wrong with Sam. "Go to your room, when you need to be alone. I need to cover the big hole in my wall." It would be funny, if it wasn't so damn frustrating.

I stand up, pulling my brother with me. "Come on Sam."

"I... we can help Bobby..." Sam tries. "It's our fault that the window is broken... well it's kinda our fault."

"Sam move!" I order, a little bit surprised when he follows me in our room.

"Bobby is calmer around me... that's good... isn't it?" Sam fakes a smile towards me.

"Yeah... That guy isn't able to hold onto his grudge." I sit down beside him on his bed. "Dude... tell me what's wrong with you."

"Dean... it's nothing... I'm just being stupid." Sam sighs, watching me with big, brown, adoring eyes.

"Sam... please... don't let the secrets start all over again." I need him to talk about his problems. I want him to be his old self again. "Come on Sammy... what's wrong? Is it something about hell?" _God... please don't let his wall break._

"No... nah... not really... It's just... I remember some things." Sam confesses, watching his own fingers.

"Yeah? What is it." My heart drops, my breath quickening. I'm gonna kill Castiel. _Bastard._

"Some things I remember because of the... hunt in Bristol." Sam looks like a kid again.

"I knew it." I jump up again, bringing more distance between me and Sam. I'm really worried that I might hit him. "You know what? Next time I'll tell you, we leave a hunt alone. You obey. Do you understand me?" Sam just looks at me apologizing. But I'm not done now. "The wall's breaking... and you already remember hell... and I'm not gonna let you remember any more of it."

"Dean..." Sam's voice is thick. The kid still hates it when I'm mad at him. And again he reminds me of my little brother. "I... I don't"

"No Sam... you understand me?" I grip is collar, standing above him. He squeezes his eyes shut and I need a moment to realize that he's actually scared. He really thinks I'm going to hit him.

"Sammy." My voice is calm again, when I brush a hand through his hair. "I can't lose you again. I just can't." He opens his eyes again. "It's driving me crazy that you don't really care about the wall. God Sammy... it's scaring me." I leave my hand on top of his head. "I just want you to be you again. You know... the little brother you've been before I went to hell." I give a small laugh. "Not the bloodsucking freak." I caress his hair to let him know that I'm not accusing him. "Not the soulless hunter..."

Sam leans into the touch, when I continue. "And now you're talking like a dying man... telling me your feelings like that. Sam... Usually I'm the one who's saying how important family is... not you." I pause for a moment. "Tell me why... you're not gonna die and want to tell me your feelings... it's not such kinda crap? Is it, Sammy? You don't think that you have to go back to... hell, right?" I only half-joke.

"No...no... no it's not about hell... I know that I'm not on my dying bed... Ah shit... Dean I'm so sorry for all that." Sam chews on his lip. "I don't wanna scare you. I'm okay... I just remember some things about my time with Samuel... in Bristol."

"What is it?" I prod, sitting down again, our shoulders touching.

"When we've interrogated those people, I said that family's just slowing you down..." Sam looks at me apologizing.

"That's all?" I smile at him. "Sammy... you had no soul... that wasn't you. So it's really not about hell?"

"No... not about hell... but..." Sam leans against me, obviously relieved that I'm not mad. "but... the things I've done are real... I mean... I remember that I didn't care... I just didn't care that you weren't with me."

"Oh" I smile even wider. "So you're behaving like that because you want to make up for something I didn't even know? I didn't know that you've said something like that. I mean... I know that family matters to you. There is no need to..."

"Dean... I know that I've said something like that. I need to do something to forgive myself. It's so hard to live with the knowledge that I said something like that." Sam takes a deep breath. "And it hasn't been the first time. I've already told you that you're week and that you're holding me back... My whole life I acted like family isn't important for me... For that I'm so sorry Dean... I know that you're not holding me back."

"Really?" I huff, trapping my arm around his shoulder. "I really think that family is slowing you down... I hold you back, Sammy." I hug him against my side. "Having your family and having a soul is slowing you down... Sammy... that's a good thing. You think about your actions more because of that... you don't take too many risks when I'm around... you know... it's not too bad."

"But Dean..." Sam closes his eyes tiredly.

"Sam... no talking back. Everything's okay." I grin at the top of his head. I'm so happy that it isn't anything terrible... Like hell.

Emo-Sam I can handle.

"So you're not mad... you can just brush that thing off... like's nothing?" Sam asks, rubbing his head against my shoulder.

"It's nothing, Sam..." I pat his shoulder. "You don't need to be sorry for that... Sam... do me a favor... just try to bury that whole crap... please."

"Trying..." Sam murmurs.

He cares more about us than about his time in hell...

And therefore I love this kid even more.


End file.
